Vivien Parnell

My name is Vivien Parnell, I am now 43 years old and this is my story.

It was the 3rd of November 1998, when my family's life and mine changed, for me completely, that was the night that I had my stroke in front of my three children. I finished my day at work, went home and was getting ready to go out with some friends. I had just washed my hair and was dancing with Fliss my eldest daughter in her bedroom. When I went back into my room and sat down my left arm just fell down by my side and I realised that I had no control over any movement in my arm. I got up to walk across my room and the next thing I remember was wondering why I was on the floor and couldn't move the left side of my body, my daughter then came in and said what are you doing on the floor mum? And I couldn't answer her. She lifted me on to the bed and then my other two children Tom and Vicky came in to the room and I could hear the panic in their voices, I couldn't tell them not to worry and that I'd be ok, as their mum it was my job to reassure them but I was unable to talk properly. Their dad was away visiting his dad who was terminally ill, so for a while I was all they had. Fliss called an ambulance a scary thing for a 16 year old to do. By now they had contacted some friends who lived near by, so they had some adult help with them.

It was about this time that I started vomiting and a very bad headache developed, I had to leave my children with our friends while I was taken to Kings Lynn Hospital and those same friends contacted my husband Jerry at his mums. Once at hospital all I really wanted was something for the pain, I had suffered from migraines since I was about 7years old but nothing could compare with the headache that night.

The next thing I remember was two days later on the Thursday as I was being taken for my first MRI scan. The scan itself was painless but very noisy if you've got a bad head, but at least Jerry was home and I thought things would soon be back to normal and I could go home. . I don't remember the rest of Thursday or Friday so I can only go on what I'm told, apparently on the Friday evening I was very restless and complaining of an awful headache.

At 4am on Saturday morning Jerry received a telephone call asking him to attend the hospital, I had been found unconscious and given an emergency scan as my brain was swelling with no where to go I was taken to ICU and put on a ventilator, as I was unable to breathe unaided. There were various drips in my arms and neck. Once at the hospital, Jerry was informed of my condition and was told that all the signs showed that I wouldn't pull through, it was suggested that my children come to the hospital so they had the chance to say goodbye. I can't begin to image what that was like.

Over the next couple of days, I had lots of family visitors and remember some of what was said to me but was unable to have a proper conversation, I remained in ICU until the Monday, as it took a couple of goes to get me off the life support machine. I was then put back on the ward and its here that I start to remember a few things for myself. It s about now that I first remember the word stroke being used, I instantly thought that was impossible because I was only 39 years old, and was to my mind reasonably fit, I jogged most days and had always done some keep fit. I started to moan that I wanted to go home.

The truth was I didn't know how ill I was and nobody explained to me. It didn't dawn on me that I still couldn't sit up, walk or even feed myself unaided. I still had a headache most of the time plus what I can only describe as a whooshing noise constantly in my head. I hated the fact that I was still catheterized which in turn caused a water infection and as if that wasn't enough. I had a period. Family were still feeding me when ever possible, but for me it was still very humiliating. My sister Debbie and Fliss offered to bath me I had to use a bath hoist as it was the only way to get me in and out of he bath, but it was probably the first time I laughed though, they were so busy talking to each other they hadn't noticed I was falling face first towards the water, I was lucky they needed to draw breath.

It was now that I had my first piece of good fortune, his name was Dr. Brown, and he was to be my consultant, he always made me feel safe. He had a clinic at Kings Lynn although his main base was Addensbrookes Hospital in Cambridge, where after two weeks he had me transferred so I could have further tests, When I arrived at Addensbrookes I was assigned a nurse who would be there for me throughout my stay, It was then that I had my first tears not because of my stroke but because I desperately needed to spend some time with my kids, I wanted to have the time to talk to them and make sure that they were ok; they lost their gramp at this time so it was hard for them and their dad and I felt bad that I couldn't be there for them all.

Once I was settled in, the doctors started all the familiar examinations eventually I knew what they wanted before they asked but they were all very thorough and kind. I met Dr. Brown's team including Dr. Coles his senior registrar, who was quite a hit throughout the ward. I had further scans and another MRI which showed up the cause of my stroke. I had a narrowing of the carotid artery and the lining had ripped and caused a blood clot, the clot had gone up into the brain and unlike most times when they go in and come out with out causing any damage this one stayed and caused part of the right hand side of my brain to be starved of oxygen which has left me with some brain damage. Apparently I have another narrowed archery in my neck but have been put on aspirin so fingers crossed this should keep any further clots at bay, I was born with the problem and had already had one small stroke that I must have put down to a bad migraine.

Physically I have done well, my walking is good and I can still talk for England, but my left arm is still weak and my writing is awful. After 6 months I went back to work and with hindsight that was a mistake, because people think you are all back to normal but mentally your not. I was still getting headaches most days and was feeling pretty depressed but everybody kept saying this time next year you'll feel so much better but just over a year later I had my first fit and wet myself in public nobody warned me this would probably happen because of the brain damage so I lost my driving license again this time I had to be seizure free for 12 months I hated being taken every where and trying to stay relaxed all the time so another fit wouldn't happen, actually my second fit was at home, this time my son Tom was the only one with me and had to call an ambulance as his dad was at work how much more could be heaped on my kids. The girls were up stairs when I had another so their dad called them down to see what happens while he was there with them I wish he hadn't.

Felicity has done an impersonation of me in full flow and it's not a pretty sight. They have moments when they laugh but I know deep down it still affects them badly they want their old mum back because despite what people think I'm not the same. I'm angry this happened to me I've been through every emotion possible. Its 4 years now and I think its only now that I'm coming to terms with it, I eventually went to see a counsellor because people don't always want to hear about it after a while, she told me I needed to grieve for the person that I had lost and then I could take control of my life again, its taken a while but I think I'm nearly there. My advice to any one whose suffered a stroke is take your time don't try to skate over it because I don't think it works, well it didn't for me.

I would like to take this time to thank my husband Jerry, my son Tom and daughters Felicity and Victoria for hanging in there with me because it hasn't been the easiest ride, and to my brother Steve who rings me each week just to see how things are. I love them all very much.

Thanks to Vivien for sending in her profile. Anyone else who would like to share their story can send it along with a photograph (if you're not shy!)

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