Sue Dobson

On April 24 1993, at the age of 26 I had a stroke that changed my life dramatically. The week before my stroke I went to aerobics on Sunday as normal. For the next week I had a pain in the neck, it hurt if I turned quickly but I just assumed that I had done it at aerobics.

The night before my stroke I remember getting up for a drink of water and feeling fine. The next morning I remember feeling a little faint as I leant over the sink to clean my teeth, so I sat on the loo hoping that the feeling would pass. Then I felt as if my left side was melting, there was no pain just a feeling that everything was in slow motion. Somehow I managed to stagger back into the bedroom. I lay on the bed and the feeling seemed to be growing, soon I had pins and needles on the whole of my left-hand side, there was still no pain as I recall. I had just had a phone extension put in so I was able to call for help. My movements were slow and I found it hard to dial the numbers. I know it sounds a bit morbid but I truly believe that if I hadn't had had the phone in the bedroom I don't think that I would be here today, as I would not have been able to get down the stairs. I tried to call my mum and when she answered I found that I could hardly speak. I managed to get the words 'mum' and 'I don't feel right' out but then I dropped the phone. She arrived about 10 minutes later. I started to vomit and continued to be ill like this every 10 minutes or so. When my GP arrived he did a few reflex tests and called an ambulance to take me to my local hospital. I don't remember the trip to the hospital. At the hospital I was taken to A&E, and it was at this point I heard the words "cardio vascular accident". I was taken by ambulance to the Hospital in London to have a CT scan to see what the problem was exactly. Once the scan was done I was wheeled to a small consulting room to wait for the results. However the doctor said that they were inconclusive and he would like to keep me in for a couple of days.

Once on the ward I started to feel strange again as if everything were in slow motion. I recall a nurse coming into my cubicle, but after that I don't remember anything. I woke up about 24 hours later in intensive care and felt like I was in a straight jacket strapped to the bed. Then I realised the reason I felt like this was because I was paralysed from the neck down. The nurse came in and explained that I was unable to speak because I had lost my gag reflex (unable to swallow) therefore my voice box was not working either. I knew what I wanted to say but no sound would come out, even though I was able to mouth words.

I was surrounded by lots of machines. There was a ventilator, as I was unable to breathe unaided and I also had a Nassau-gastric tube and there were pads on my chest checking my vital signs, as well as drips in my arms and neck. The nurse told me not to worry about the loo as I had a catheter fitted. I remember feeling like a baby, not being able to speak, move or even control my own bowel movements. A doctor came round to see me and told me I had suffered another suspected stroke whilst I was on the ward. This had been more severe and had been the reason I had lost consciousness. The stroke I had in the morning affected my left side and the one that I had at hospital had affected my right side. This ward was to become my home for the next 12 weeks, although I didn't realise at the time! I thought that what had happened to me would right itself soon and that I would be back to 'normal' (whatever that is).

I started having physiotherapy quite soon after being admitted to ICU. So many things where happening to me, I felt so out of control, I could see people I cared for getting upset, and felt as if there was nothing I could do to comfort them. During this time I also had a MRI scan. The results showed that I had split the two main carotid arteries in my neck. They had ruptured on both sides, that's why I couldn't move my left or right side. The damage was mainly in the lower brain stem.

The feeling in my left side came back slowly, it started with my hand, and gradually over a period of days I was able to move my fingers again, and finally I could move my arm a bit. My left leg was also getting stronger and I was able to move it slightly. My left leg and arm had been still for so long that when I started to get movement in them I got awful cramps. Although they hurt I was glad to feel something, even pain! About this time I had to have another scan called an angiogram. The conclusion of this was that the bleed from the two carotid arteries in my neck seemed to be healing up nicely, and there was no other sign of any of my other arteries splitting or any further abnormalities.

By this time the tube in my mouth was making my throat ulcerated, and as I still couldn't breathe, eat or talk yet it was decided that I would have to have a tracheotomy. When I had it fitted a few days later I felt quite relieved to have the pipe out of my mouth. The doctor's started talking about transferring me to another Hospital. In total I went to 3 hospitals and was 'in' for just over 11 months. Gradually after about 3 months I started to breathe for myself and eat so my tracheotomy and feeding tube were removed, the double vision had improved but had not gone completely. The last 6 months were spent in a Rehab. Unit, I left hospital still unable to walk, received physio for a year and then NOTHING!

I sank into a deep depression, I was 28 in a wheelchair, no job and I'd put on 2 stone in weight. I started to drink to forget - then I fell out of my wheelchair and cut my head! As I waited in casualty I realised it was up to me to change my life. I could go on feeling sorry for myself or I could give myself a 'kick up the bum' and stop looking for someone else to blame. I started taking my physio seriously, put myself on a good healthy eating plan and stopped drinking alcohol. Now 2 years on I have lost weight sensibly, and I have put my electric chair away. I am able to walk with the aid of a stick and a few well placed grab rails around my flat. I can walk a little outside but still use my chair for longer distances, but I'm sure that with time and a positive attitude I'll get back even more mobility.

I am now training as a counsellor as I truly believe that if I had, had some sort of counselling I wouldn't have got so low. I realise that everyone is different and my way of coping, or not coping is not the same as other people. By training as a counsellor I hope to make people who find themselves in the same position as me realise that there is life after something as devastating as a stroke!

Thanks to Sue for sending in her profile. Anyone else who would like to share their story can send it along with a photograph (if you're not shy!)

• c/o PROFILES,
• Click here for address