Shakila Khan

I had my stroke at the age of 18. A large area of my left cerebral was damaged from an arterial bleed that left the right side of my body completely paralysed with total loss of speech.

This incident happened at around 9 am one May morning, while I was standing on a bus for my daily work at the University College Hospital Pharmacy Department, where I was a trainee Pharmacy Technician. I had a severe headache but, my thoughts at the time were about oncoming A Level exams in a few weeks time. Then I heard the conductor saying, "Fares, please", I held out my hand with my money but I could not talk. Then I felt a cold sensation in my head, I touched my face and head to feel if they were wet but they were dry. My eyes could not focus anymore. I was holding the passenger handle tightly as I felt a loss of balance at the same time. I wanted to scream but the sound just would not come out.

I heard a voice saying, "Sit down", apparently to me but my eyes were going to close and I could not see where to sit. My body was out of control and I was frightened and confused about what was happening to me. Then I vomited all over myself. I heard an ambulance siren and after that I became unconscious.

My family had been looking for me everywhere for three days until they were told by the police that I was at the Prince of Wales Hospital. Since I was unconscious, the doctors assumed that I was on drugs (instead of thinking of other possible reasons) and they waited for me to regain consciousness. Both the doctors and nurses told my family that I was going to recover even after they were told by my family that I never took drugs.

It was on my family's third visit to the hospital and after seeing no improvement in my condition that my sister tried to stimulate my body for any response. She felt that the right side of my body was very cold and heavy compared to the left side. She thought it rather unusual and she went to tell the doctor. The doctor-in-charge immediately came to check for body responses. She suspected something and called the consultant very urgently. On spotting the symptom, they quickly made arrangements for an immediate transfer to The National Hospital for Nervous Diseases.

As soon as I arrived at the hospital I was taken to have a brain scan. Then the doctors broke the bad news to my family - that I had less than 30% chance of recovery because the blood clot had damaged a large area of my brain cells due to the delay in diagnosis. This was another blow to my family as they had not imagined that it could get any worse. The doctors told them that they were unable to operate and stop the bleeding while I was still unconscious.

In the next few days, I regained consciousness and was operated on. After the operation and the intensive care, general care and then the initial rehabilitation programme started. Six months later I was transferred to the Homerton Hospital in Hackney, where I began to feel conscious of my disability for the first time. I felt miserable, angry, frustrated and on top of that, the staff did very little to encourage me to get better.

I was transferred to an outpatient Rehabilitation Centre after about four months, where the staff were encouraging and helpful. The speech, occupational and physiotherapist in the centre stirred me towards the independence that I enjoy now! I passed my driving test and now I can go everywhere without help. I also went to the local college to learn computer literacy, photography, drama and how to make videos. Now, I am doing photography and performing arts. Some of my friends have asked why I don't go back to my old job as a Pharmacy Technician. I say to them that I want to forget about the past and want to start a new life, and besides there are many other areas to explore! I have made new friends, found new interests and hobbies. I have done voluntary work with Cancer Research and Different Strokes briefly, which I found a very rewarding experience. I have been to Kashmir twice on holiday and found it very peaceful and close to nature. I travelled to America and Canada last winter. Then in the summer I went to North Wales to make an attempt to climb Snowdonia! Now, I take each day as it comes. I do not make too many plans. I have become much closer to God after this experience than ever before and I definitely believe in destiny.

Editors note: Stroke survivors often lose emotional control. At times we experience uncontrollable laughter suddenly to start to cry for no obvious reason. Sometimes it is depression that we may feel following the abrupt change in our lives. But often it is due to brain injury and not directly connected with depression. People who are a part of a stroke survivors life often assume when a stroke survivor is laughing they are happy or if they are crying they are sad. This is a mistake. It is inspiring to read stories like Shakila's, but also important to point out that some days you can just sit and cry for no reason at all and those days are just as important to your road to recovery, as the days you will spend laughing.

Thanks to Shakila for sending in her profile. Anyone else who would like to share their story can send it along with a photograph (if you're not shy!)

• c/o PROFILES,
• Click here for address