Sara Brew

It's one of those things you think will never happen to you. It happened so suddenly. Without any warning I dropped the telephone and slumped in my chair. The right side of my body was completely paralysed and I couldn't speak.

The next few hours were a complete blur. Words can't say how terrified I was. What was happening to me? I kept shaking my dead arm and leg with my other hand, trying desperately to bring it back to life. I felt as if my body was dying, bit by bit, in slow motion, before my eyes.

Although I couldn't speak, I was able to scream. I was totally aware of what was going on around me; my horrified colleagues, the panic, the confusion, the ambulance, the sirens, arriving at the hospital, lying there while people just stared at me.

In the most unusual way, a wave of peace seemed to pass over me and I became the observer, helpless and detached from my body. I wanted Mum and Dad so much. It breaks my heart to think of the desperate fear that they would now be going through as they got the call from work, but I knew that whatever was happening to me was very serious and they had to be with me. I felt like a child again, totally stripped of everything.

In those few moments I thought about my life; how Mum and Dad would have a disabled daughter needing constant care, how I'd never get married and have my own children, how I'd never succeed in my career, how I'd never climb a mountain or swim in the sea again. It really is true when they say your life passes in front of your eyes. This just couldn't be happening. I simply wanted the chance to be able to say that I understood the world around me, my thoughts and feelings were still there, and maybe life wouldn't be quite so bad after all, even like this. Please don't give up.

This was ten months ago. The feeling hasn't fully returned to my hand and my voice sometimes slurs when I'm tired. I look normal but the emotional scars go a lot deeper. I've cried until I can't cry any more. I've suffered flashbacks to those awful hours. I've felt anger and pain. But overriding all of this I have the most unbelievable feelings of love and closeness to my family and those who have supported and helped me along this difficult journey.

Although the doctors could not find a definite cause for what happened, I've had my heart operated on and feel like a different person; something definite has been done in a battle against something that felt so much out of my control. I have my spark back and can finally try to move on. One day I like to think I will look back on this period in my life and see a reason for it happening. Maybe it was sheer bad luck. Or maybe it was a warning and has saved me from something much worse later on in my life.

I used to think I was invisible and now I know I'm not. I think it's only when you stare death in the face that you experience that sense of pure fear and I don't think I'll ever get over that. When you realise you could loose something you want it even more. I love life and want to live it, more than ever before.

Thanks to Sarah for sending in her profile. Anyone else who would like to share their story can send it along with a photograph (if you're not shy!)

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