Ray Smith, RIP

My husband and I met in 1984. We got married in 1987. We had 5 children together. My husband liked the fine things in life. Holidays at Tenby were his passion. We also liked Butlins in Minehead. My husband never smoked. He absolutely hated smoke. He was partial to a few cans of lager, say about 6 a week. My husband was a taxi driver and therefore had to have regular medical tests. These proved that he was 100% fit and blood pressure proved to be normal.

In February last year Ray started complaining of headaches. Ray never suffered with this and did not bother his doctor. He bought anadin extra which seemed to clear up his bad head. I would say that on average Ray complained about 3 days out of 7 with his headaches. We didn't still believe at this time that Ray should consult his doctor. He continued to take over the counter remedies. On 19th May last year Ray had to leave the house to pick up his taxi at 6 o clock. As I was working away I wasn't due home until 6.45, Ray rang me at 5.30 and said that our eldest daughter was going out and I was babysitting our little grandaughter. Ray was absolutely fine and was laughing and joking on the phone about the nice weather. He told our daughter to go over to her house to pick up nightclothes for the baby. Our little boy who is 11 yrs of age kept a close eye on the baby as Ray said he needed to go upstairs to put on his shoes. It was 5.50. He rang our daughter and told her to hurry as he had to leave in 10 minutes for his taxi. He asked our boy to make him tea.

I was just coming over the Severn bridge when I got a distraught phone call from my daughter. She had come back to the house at 5.55 and ran upstairs to have her bath. As she came out of the bathroom she called Dad and Ray was lying on the bedroom floor. She said "Dad, what are you doing?" On closer inspection she realised that there was something really wrong with Ray. He was shaking on his left side, very disorientated. He was mumbling and was making no sense whatsoever. He was also trying to be sick. My daughter was crying on the phone. I rang an ambulance. I got home at 6.20 and 2 ambulances were outside. They were bringing Ray out of the house and I could clearly see he had had a stroke as the right hand side of his body was completely numb. His face drooped and his arm hung limply. The ambulance told me Ray had had a stroke and transferred him to hospital.

Ray was losing consciousness. They gave him a CT scan and we were then given the devastating news that he had suffered a brain haemmorhage which was bleeding deep in the brain. Ray lapsed into a coma just 2 hours later. They kept him at the Princess of Wales hospital in Bridgend until 12 o'clock that night. At this stage Ray was ventilated [God this is hard to write] they then transferred him to Morriston hospital in Swansea which was a specialised unit for stroke/brain injuries. The next day which was Friday they told me they had to shunt Ray's head to relieve pressure and drain blood and fluid. They said that as Ray was so young his brain was taking up all the space inside the skull. This apparently shrinks in the older person. They checked his ventolin tube and he actually heaved. The doctors told me this was a good sign as he had some reflexes. Ray stayed comfortable on the Friday and the Saturday was no change.

On Saturday night I was asleep in the waiting room which had been my bedroom for 2 days when the doctor called to speak to me. He told me they were 99.9% we were going to lose Ray as all reflexes were now gone. On the Sunday morning [need a break for this part] we were all called into the waiting room. He explained to us that Ray was under some sedation and could therefore not perform a brain stem test as you had to be completely free from any sedation. This would take until Monday morning. I asked the doctors why prolong the inevitable? They told me they could withdraw treatment and nature would take its course. They told me that about 10 minutes after withdrawing treatment Ray would have passed. He would be with our baby we lost. Our children who were 11, 14, 16, 19, 21 were then called to say goodnight to their Daddy. How heartbreaking, especially for the youngest.

They withdrew treatment at 3 o clock. At 5.10 Ray was still alive and the doctor told us that due to his non drinking/smoking he did not give up easily. At 5.15 all was turned off and covered. Ray went peacefully. I don't really understand why do strokes kill victims. Should he have gone to the doctors? If he did I don't think they would have given him a ct scan, do you??? Life's so not fair. Its been one year on 22 May and I feel the same today as I did on 23 May last year. My children are not coping too well at all. I will not go into why as I feel its very personal and would not like to share there problems as that's another story. I have wonderful memories of our years together. It is reassuring to know that Ray went quickly and pain free. He would not have had any recollection of any events after that Thursday night. Nice way to go but awful to those left behind. I have been told that Ray would have been severely disabled and would have needed so much care if he had lived. He would have been in a vegetative state for the rest of his life. I don't think he would have wanted that. I feel guilty for wanting him no matter what state he would have been in. I would like to congratulate each and every survivor of strokes. I wish you all the very best in life and believe if I'm strong enough to get over the tragedies I've experienced then you can overcome what you are going through. I didn't write this to upset anyone but purely to make stroke victims see how so lucky they are to have survived.

All the very best to you all, Lynne

Thanks to Ray's wife, Lynne, for sending in his profile.

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