Mandy Brown

My name is Mandy Brown and I would like to tell you of my life before and after stroke.

I had a happy childhood and a brother whose name is Paul. Paul and I got into lots of mischief and I was more of a tomboy than a girl. When I was 17 I bought my first horse (I had always loved horses) I hadn't told Mum or Dad, although Dad encouraged me. Mum nearly had a fit when I told her I needed my savings to pay for it, but she got them and I got my horse. She was a mare and was three years old, her name was Holly and she was a bay. I only had Holly for a year when she was injured, she could not be ridden after that, so I sent her to a rest home to enjoy the rest of her days. I then bought Flame, he was seven years old and massive, he was a chestnut and had a white diamond on his nose, he was gorgeous.

I was employed by Central Regional Council as an officer clerk and in my spare time, was a class organizer and secretary at Bannockburn Riding School for the Disabled. It was there that my accident happened and the cause of my stroke, although I never knew it at the time. My duties at the riding school involved booking in riders, there were two adult classes and one children's class each Thursday evening (Thursday was my night). I also walked round with the riders ensuring their safety and proper guidance of the horses. One evening in August an adult rider became unsteady and as I tried to rebalance him, he fell off completely, using myself as a landing cushion.

The rider was completely fine after the fall; I however was not. At the time of the fall I had a terrible pain in my neck but didn't have it checked, the pain eased off but for several weeks I suffered from terrible headaches and felt as though my head might explode. At this time I was 25 and stayed with my boyfriend, he didn't seem to be concerned about me and I was too busy with my life to have myself checked. However, I woke one morning and was physically sick, I felt absolutely terrible, I could only do one thing at a time, if I talked I couldn't walk and vice versa. I was so bad my boyfriend at that time, took me to my mum's house who called the doctor. Mum was worried sick but went to work as dad was at home. I knew something was seriously wrong with me but didn't know what. I was terrified, but calm, it was as though I was in some form of limbo. Then I started to panic and wanted my mum. Dad had taken the dogs for a walk so I crawled to the phone and asked mum to come home. She arrived and so did the doctor. He ordered that I go immediately to hospital and called for an ambulance. I kept thinking I don't want to be ill, I don't want to go to hospital. I was admitted to hospital where a series of tests were carried out and due to the results of the tests, I was transferred to the Western General Hospital in Edinburgh. Mum was with me all the time, dad was sent for, doctors at the hospital said it was a stroke but had never experienced this type before and this was the reason I was transferred. I was in the neuro ward where more tests were to be carried out. I could still communicate at this time, and was questioned about everything - even drugs and whether I had a habit! It was during these further tests that I took a further stroke and lapsed into a coma, which lasted for nine days.

For the following piece, I have relied on information from my parents as I have no recollection of this period at all. Mum and dad were told that I had to be in intensive care in three minutes or I wouldn't be here at all, I had a 50/50 chance of survival. Staff rushed me over to intensive care and I was hooked up to a life support machine as my breathing had failed. Part of the tests showed the damage that had been caused and exactly where the problem lay, it was in the stem of the brain and therefore called a brainstem stroke.

Dad was shown all the x-rays and the situation was explained to him in great detail. He was also asked, if circumstances arose, would he allow the life support machine to be switched off. He refused and stuck to his guns, he told them all that I was a fighter and would come through this situation no matter what the outcome of my mental or physical abilities.

Dad realised that when he was talking to me, I was chewing on the tubes of the breathing apparatus. He informed the nursing staff and the result of this was a tracheotomy to shop me from chewing through the tubes and choking on them. After this operation had been done I was transferred to a ward where I came round fully from the coma. I was still unable to communicate with anyone, which caused a lot of inner panic, fear, hatred and many other emotions that I never knew or thought could exist within myself or any other person.

I didn't want to look at myself and I didn't want to be alone, I didn't want to see my friends, I only wanted Mum and Dad who made me feel safe and secure. The staff at the Western General were brilliant and couldn't do enough for me but they couldn't convey the same security as my family did.

I spent six months at the Western General and was then transferred to Astley Ainsley Hospital also in Edinburgh. This was a stroke rehabilitation hospital and a physiotherapy regime was organised for me. I had a speech therapist to encourage and teach me to communicate again, she introduced boards with the alphabet broken into six sections of four or five letters in a which makes it easier for people like myself to pick out letters to spell words and make sentences. I had speech therapy two days a week to start with for an hour at a time, as I got better at communication the sessions became more frequent until I had five a week. Physio included manual manipulation to encourage my muscles to work, this was started at a slow pace until I became accustomed to it and the sessions where then increased. During this time many more tests were carried out and I felt like a pin cushion. I was also measured for a wheelchair. I wanted to walk and be normal again, I asked over and over, "why me? what have I done to deserve this?" I finally agreed to some friends visiting me, I was very apprehensive about this but knew I had to face the situation of meeting people and friends sometime.

When my friends did visit, it was as though we were strangers, I was not at ease and felt really awkward. I wanted to hug them and tell them everything but I couldn't do anything. I think they probably felt more awkward than me. When Karen, my best friend, came to visit I had a huge lump in my throat that made me cry which also started her off.

After spending six months at Astley Ainsley I was to be re-introduced to living at home. At first it was only for a day then increased to overnight and gradually built up until I was spending more time at home than in hospital. During this time our flat (my boyfriend's and mine) had been adapted to help with my needs and when I finally got home for good things were not as they used to be. Due to frustration my boyfriend became aggressive so I left him and went home to mum and dad. This stage was very difficult for me, I had spoken to mum and dad about coming home and although they were overjoyed at me coming home, there was a lot of adaptations required in their house before I could move. So for another month I stayed with my boyfriend, in fear of him and what he may do to me. That month was a long hard wait, but worth it when I came home. I eventually told mum and dad the truth and to say the least they were (as every decent parent would be) livid. I have been here since and in this time I have still been doing physio and my movement is slow but I think its progressively getting better.

I am at Stirling College two days a week studying computing and communication. This is my second year and I feel I am doing well. I am also hoping to join Falkirk College of Further & Higher Education for a different course. I am waiting to see what is on offer and days that I may attend. I am being positive about my life and aiming to achieve as much as I possibly can. I have lost a lot of friends since my stroke but have also made many new ones, these are genuine and good friends. I still believe I will walk again and strive towards this goal, my confidence is quite low compared to what it was before my stroke but I have been told this will come back with everything I do and achieve a bit more confidence.

Since my stroke I have put on weight, am still in my wheelchair but I am happy. Don't get me wrong, I have my moments, the same as anyone else, I can argue and get depressed the same as everyone else, but I just tell myself "get on with it! It could be worse!" and it could.

Thanks to Mandy for sending in her profile. Anyone else who would like to share their story can send it along with a photograph (if you're not shy!)

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