Louise Hammond

In the early hours of Monday 27th of June'94 I woke up suddenly feeling dreadfully sick. The feeling was overwhelming and I rushed to the toilet and vomited violently. Over the next few hours this continued and for the first time in my life I asked my partner, Harry, to stay at home with me as I had never felt so ill. Harry phoned the G.P. and he suggested some medication, but it did not help. All I wanted was to sleep, but the feeling of nausea stopped that. Eventually a locum came round. I was not completely 'with it' so he just told Harry it was 'probably something she ate' and gave me something stronger. By the evening the nausea subsided and I managed a cup of tea.

I believe now, looking back, that this was a warning. On July 1st at about 9 o'clock at night I collapsed unconscious. Family assumed that I had fainted, still weak from the previous few days, but it was not long before it became obvious that it was more than just fainting. The next few days were bland to me but I am told that at times I was conscious and quite lucid once the excruciating pain had been treated. I had had a 'sub-arachnoid' aneurysm and the left carotid artery burst. A further scan and angiogram showed the extent of the bleed and the size of the aneurysm which had quite miraculously clotted and stopped bleeding. It was certain though that an operation was the only thing to do - without it I would not survive. Two weeks after the successful operation, I was not out of danger, but there was of course a question of how badly brain damaged was I. Personally I had no idea there was a problem apart from double vision and even when I was told, I refused to believe that I was now weak on my right side. I talked nineteen to the dozen but had no idea that my speech was unintelligible. The reality for me was when I was seen by a speech therapist and I was shocked when I found I was unable to think of even the most basic words when pictures were put in front of me. The distress did not last long and by the next morning I was convinced I was going to be absolutely fine ! I saw a speech therapist, Rita, who worked with vocabulary and then progressed to relearn grammar. Luckily my background had been in 'languages' so I think this gave me a headstart. It was and still is not easy and without internally constructing sentences before I can verbalise them and the problems are compounded by having an impaired short-term memory and poor auditory recall memory.

As my physical strength returned I asked the physiotherapist for a schedule of exercise and once I felt fit enough, I joined the local sports centre and started on step aerobics, swimming and weights. As my memory was so bad, I learned to improve by using visualisation techniques and soon learned to follow choreographed aerobic routines. The psychological effect of exercise was and is enormous - even though at the time I was not conscious of the benefits to my mental health. My neuropsychologist commented to the neurosurgeon when doing my assessment that the exercise certainly stopped me from sinking into depression which I am told is quite common to be struck down when you have always been a mentally agile and articulate, active person - I was 32.

Now, three and a half years on, I still 'work out 3 or 4 times per week - a good reason for getting up in the morning. My days are filled with crosswords, work games, logic problems and afternoon naps. I am now doing 7 hours a week 'therapeutic work' in the family's hotel as a bookkeeper, I just hope I don't misunderstand an instruction and cost my parents money!

Looking back the 'what-ifs' are too much to contemplate. What was once important is now trivial and vice-versa. I certainly look after myself better and am strong enough to say no when I have done enough. Once a week I attend group therapy, it has now helped to build my confidence and give me more understanding for those who are not as fortunate as myself. I cannot think of how or where I will be in 1 - 5 or 10 years time - I take each day as it comes and enjoy every minute of it. To accept and then face your difficulties are the only way to start to begin to learn to live with and eventually even overcome them.

Thanks to Laura for sending in her profile. Anyone else who would like to share their story can send it along with a photograph (if you're not shy!)

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