Judy Blackaller

Hi, where do I begin? Well, my life started a new journey which was completely unknown to me and my family. I am not certain of the exact date but I was in the hospital, in Casualty watching the London Marathon 2003, reminiscing when I had done it. I saw many doctors and nurses, was prodded and poked and asked to do many tests! My older daughter sat worried by me.

I was a 45 year old single mum of 4 strapping kids and had many ups and downs. Now my life appeared sorted, I had a nice car, nice kids, nice job (I was a manager of a nursery school ) and a lovely new home that I had just bought. Well, bang this illness hit me like a ton of bricks! Zap! Pow!... as batman would say!!!

I was admitted to the ward with a slurred speech, weakness in my leg and arms and a really bad headache. My blood pressure was extremely low and people were concerned. Boy...did I want to sleep!!! I had a M.R.I. scan and it revealed some tumours in my brain. No one knew if they were malignant or not, and to be quite honest I didn't really seem to care ... all I wanted was sleep. I had a lumbar puncture, a bone marrow test and numerous blood tests to no avail. My children were at their wits end.

I had so many cards, gifts, flowers, videos; people prayed with me, sang to me, pumped up my pillows and just held my hand. Children made lovely home made cards for me and one girl made me a book with sayings that I could point to. People I hardly knew came to visit me and I always had a stream of caring visitors.

I was packed off to Deriford Hospital in Plymouth and had a biopsy, again with no definite results. By now I couldn't walk or talk properly and my co-ordination was completely gone. I now had great empathy with the kids I used to look after.

The doctors and nurses were good to me and kept my spirits up, they used to wash my back and massage my feet. I made a great many friends with the inpatients and still write to some now. The speech therapist gave me a machine to help me talk and a spell-board ... which I found useless because I couldn't spell!! The physiotherapist came every day and got me up walking with a giant walking frame, he was only a young boy but so experienced and very encouraging. I was made to sit in my chair by the side of the bed, but I hated it, and couldn't wait to get back into bed.

One day I was left to wash myself with a bowl of water and dropped my soap. I bent down to pick it up and BANG I was on the floor. Luckily the curtains were around me, so no-one knew and I quickly heaved myself up into the chair.

By now I was in a pretty bad shape and it felt as if the world was swimming by and I was on a very rocky boat...like sea-sickness. My symptoms were similar to a stroke and I was recommended by my stroke club to tell you my story.

All this time I was waiting and my family were now very upset and wanted some answers.

I went to a London hospital for another biopsy and my middle son came with me, sirens going in the ambulance some of the time. By the time I arrived there, I couldn't move at all and had to use a pat board to transfer me from bed to bed. My speech was almost non-existent and all bodily functions had gone. I was catheterised, fed through a drip in my nose and given oxygen through my nose too, given my medication intravenously and I felt like a pin cushion!! I was given a tiny bleep machine to tell me when to swallow and turned regularly on a special mattress.

Was I scared?? ... I think we all were!!

As I had been so still I developed a clot in my lung, so I was sent to intensive care and monitored. My recollection of this is drifting in and out of sleep, having my hair washed in bed (what an ordeal ) and a man in the next bed. Luckily (mind you, I didn't feel very lucky) I recovered and am here to tell the tale!! A lot of effort from nursing and determination from myself, and love from family and friends pulled me through. It was determined that I had contracted 'Adems' disease, meaning that two of the tumours had bled.

WOW ...how powerful your brain is! I had to learn to feed myself again, go to the toilet, walk, talk and remember people and places and to read and write.

My family were marvellous and my parents regularly came to see me, and my Dad fed me my first proper food (mashed potato). My brother even came to visit me, all the way from Australia! (Gosh!) My kids handled it all differently ...my older son helped me with my exercises and put a splint on my left leg regularly, and he often propped me up. My older daughter cut my toenails, put clips in my hair and prettied me up. She encouraged me to go through the alphabet with her. My middle son told me jokes and charmed the nurses and patients. He came to theatre with me and stayed with me till I was asleep and he also regularly took me outside in a wheelchair in the hot sunshine. My younger daughter found it all hard and missed me; she was concerned that I must make friends!!

Many tears were shed. BUT little did I know that my journey was just beginning.

I was going to go to the local rehab, but I improved so much after I had a blood transfusion and I was sent home. I was so excited, but my daughters who lived with me were apprehensive. I had some handrails on the stairs for me and a chair was raised for me. I could shower myself now but everything was an ordeal. I was unappreciative of how well my daughters had coped and I felt that they had neglected the house ... when in fact they were forever at the hospital. It was hard to adapt to this different 'Judy' and they wanted their old mum back.

I felt lonely, isolated, frustrated and not in control. But I am having regular physio, go to the gym, go swimming, speech therapy and work voluntarily at a nursery school. I regularly go to Headway which is very good for me, people and carers seem to fully understand. I also go to a memory group and stroke club and we share stories and ideas. I have an O.T. and a social worker who have helped me tremendously with coming to terms with things. A carer comes in twice a week to help me with the housework and take me shopping. (I hope to have my driving licence back real soon ... can't wait!!)

I make mental notes or write in my dairy my daily achievements so as I can tell how well I am doing. Be positive is the key word ... I can now cross the road ok and mount the kerb without feeling like I am climbing a mountain!! I can put my knickers on, one hole at a time now with out wobbling everywhere. I can change my bed-sheets alone and fight the good fight with my quilt. My kids feel that I am safe to be left alone ... so we are on the up and UP!!

My computer has been a godsend to me and I have written 2 books so far and they have been printed and in the reference library.

Thanks for taking the time to read my portfolio and everyone take good care.

Judy

Thanks to Judy for sending in her profile. Anyone else who would like to share their story can send it along with a photograph (if you're not shy!)

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