Jim Shield

Everything seemed to be going without any problem, married with a daughter age 9, house all paid for and a good job. Looking forward to my retirement without a care in the world. Boy was that about to change without any warning!

My 'brain insult' began on Saturday 15th November 2003. I had been busy that day at home making some wardrobe doors for our bedroom, later that day when sitting down I said to my wife that I was having trouble raising my left arm but put this down to too much work on the wardrobe doors.

On the following Monday I went to see my GP who said she would make an appointment at the hospital for me, "allow up to six weeks" I was told. The following Friday I returned to my GP and was sent to the hospital with a covering letter. I now know that this should have been a blue light job from day one, but before this problem I knew nothing at all about strokes.

In the hospital I had around six hours wait before getting to see the Doctor, what happened to the urgency of my problem?

The Doctors eventually admitted me into a general ward with not much explanation of what was happening. The first night the patient in the next bed passed away, that did not do much for my much stressed mind, was I next!

It was on the following day that a friendly physiotherapist sat down with me and explained what was going on. I had a mass of questions to be answered "what is a stroke" and most importantly "why me?"

The stroke had denied me the use of my left side, but never mind, I felt sure this was only a minor thing and I would be well over it in a couple of days! How wrong I was, struggling to make use of my left leg and arm were to become a long running problem.

Eventually I was transferred onto a stroke ward and underwent a barrage of tests, starting physiotherapy hit home to me just how little I could do. My speech was hit a little and swallowing was a problem, but things which at a push I could live with, but not so the arm and leg which would continue to be big problems.

After a week it began hitting home to me that this was not going to be sorted out by a few exercises, I was then subjected to massive mood swings, laughing and crying for little or no reason and feeling very much alone in the world anxiously wanting to know what tomorrow would bring or indeed if there was going to be a tomorrow.

My wife Sadie came to visit me each day, she always had a smile, but I could see my problem was taking its toll on her life too. She was very supportive, but it was worrying for her seeing me getting weaker each day during the first week.

After three weeks in hospital they set me free, what a wonderful feeling to sleep in your own bed again! I was at home but things would have to change, the little tasks like personal hygiene had become major problems but there are ways to get around things and I was determined to find them. I had quite a few slips on the floor, on the stairs and in the bath, frightened the life out of myself but I had a go.

Soon I discovered what could be done with one hand, even had a go at using a saw to cut wood (and myself). Holding the wood with my good hand and the saw pressed into my tummy, I found that this sort of worked, but the blood on my hands said it was not really a good idea! I found that I could bash a nail in if it was first sat in blue tack to hold the thing in position! Luckily Sadie was willing to lend a hand both with tools and plasters.

At first being at home away from work was ideal as I had all the time in the world to do what I wanted, the trouble was that I couldn't do all I wanted! Yes the Physio had given me a list of exercises to do but progress was painfully slow and I was getting very frustrated with my body not doing what I wanted.

Following advice from my GP I went along to some stroke clubs to be amongst others with similar problems, the first one was a decent drive away (thank God my wife drives) in Suffolk. The club was very friendly with lots to do but they did not allow partners to join which meant my wife was walking around the shops for a couple of hours spending lots of money - not that she seemed to mind that!

The next stroke club which I tried was in my home county of Essex. When we found where the meetings were held we were both disappointed to find most of the patrons looked like they were the wrong side of 100, but they were a friendly lot! They offered us some raffle tickets which we went along with, when they had the raffle we were well taken back with the prizes - some dusters, a can of hair spray with the top missing and a tired old picture which nobody would bother to pick up if it were dropped onto the floor.

I now attend two stroke clubs, visiting the one in Suffolk every couple of weeks and another one near me which has quite a lot going for it. Still not sure if I entirely accept that I have the same problems as the others, it is very hard to look into the mirror and get a true image of today's me, rather than what I perceive myself to look like.

Although walking is hard work and frustratingly slow I have managed to get myself to the train station to see and have a drink with my workmates. It is even harder sticking to only one alcoholic drink, any more than that and I fall over. Yes, more change!

In order to get me thinking a little more positively about my plight I was advised to attend a course run by the NHS called the Expert Patient Programme. This course ran for one day a week for six weeks and encouraged the likes of me to start thinking positively, set attainable weekly targets and most of all get off your backside and do something! They also covered things like where to go for help and advice should you need it. As I cannot see myself returning to paid work for a good while I have put my name down as a volunteer training assistant for this course and hopefully will be able to spend some time helping others.

I have now got my driving licence back from the DVLC which now allows me to drive an adapted automatic car (but no longer a steam engine!) and have started taking driving lessons on an adapted car driving with one hand (scary). But freedom at last! Watch out you lot I will soon be back on the road!

Next month my present employer will stop my sick pay (half pay) and I have no idea of what will happen then, early retirement perhaps. I would not be able to cope with my old job; the pressures would be too great. My short term memory is far from wonderful, I can't hold a pen to write, have trouble getting some words out and have trouble getting around. But I can use a keyboard with one hand and am determined to do something. The trouble is going to be finding a suitable slot in this big world. After all I am only 52, which is not that old, or is it?

Thanks to Jim for sending in his profile. Anyone else who would like to share their story can send it along with a photograph (if you're not shy!)

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